The Things We Do For Love
by JapanCat
Summary: Kind of AU-ish... For some reason something compells Hiei to get Mukuro to visit their parents... And in effect they get into chaos. Yeah... That's it. HieiMukuro... If you couldn't have guessed.
1. Saturday the Fourteenth

_T_**h**_e_ **T**_h_**i**_n_**g**_s_ **W**_e_ **D**_o_** F**_o_**r** _L_**o**_v_**e**.  
_Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. Quit asking_.  
**//Insert other stuffs here...  
****//Original start time: January 16, 2008 Typing start time: February 1, 2008-February 4, 2008  
****N**_o_**t**_e_**s** _It's me again. I'm pretty sure by now you guys have seen me somewhere out there so... And if you know someone who says... "Not HER again!" Well then, I've done a job well done. Since I'm so sick of introducing myself to you guys all the time I won't and you'll just have to get redirected to Silent Hill or One More Time to Kill the Pain to get all this. (Why do I bother anyway? No one else does it...)  
_**So a few more things and I'll shut up. I'm so frickin sick of seeing so much angst between Hiei and Mukuro. Why can't be ever laugh with them? I mean we do with almost every other pairing. Why not these two? So I decided I wanted to write a cutesy little story just for cheap laughs. This was originally going to run in Scenes From a Hat but this involves chapters and I don't like doing that because I lose track of what story I'm doing in there... (Oh yeah... And why are Hiei and Mukuro always formal in fanfics like "My lady" and "My heir"? They weren't formal before so why now...?)  
**_**One more thing  
**__N_**O** _O_**N**_E_ **W**_O_**R**_D_ **R**_E_**V**_I_**E**_W_**S** _O_**R** _F_**L**_A_**M**_E_**S  
****Live** _Laugh_ **E**_n_**j**_o_**y**

_Chapter 1: Saturday the Fourteenth_

"It's that time of the year again..." Yusuke whisper to Kurama, Kuwabara and Hiei as if it were the greatest secret man was never to know which gathered him long blank stares. He sighed and shook his head at their response. "Don't tell me you don't know what today is!"

"March first?" Kurama replied questioningly as he glared at his calendar which depicted a bunch of constipated looking a bunch of constipated looking British lords on a hunt with their deranged dogs alongside their horses.

Yusuke looked at Kurama with dismay. "No! It's February Fourteenth! Valentine's day!" He looked at the calendar. "Why does it...? What the hell...? Why to you have a calendar from 1989?"

"It was a good year for me. Why do you ask?"

"What's the big deal?" Hiei asked sarcastically as he cocked a brow.

"You don't know the story of Valentines Day?" Kuwabara asked.

"No I asked for the purpose of Zen Buddhism."

"Whatever. In I think it was 635 AD or BC, whenever the Romans were around, there was a king who took away marriages and engagements because he needed men for war. But then Saint Valentine married couples in secret. But when the king found out about this he had him executed on February fourteenth. And that became a day of love and confession! And... And... Sometime in the '40's (or was it the '20's? I forgot.) a chocolate factory exploited their chocolate amongst women on this day and that was when it became a custom to give chocolates to your crush! For the girls anyway! And that's why I'm giving chocolate to my one and only love, my snow princess, _Yukina_!"

"That's not feminine, Kuwabara." Sarcastically.

"One of these days, Shorty! One of these days- BANG, ZOOM, straight to the moon!" He shook his fist at him.

"That was mildly inappropriate. But you get the picture," Yusuke added. "But man, I'm going to get so drunk off chocolate!" If that were possible, anyway.

"Really..." Kurama said slightly laced with sarcasm.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, nothing but... Keiko might get jealous with all the competition and..."

"Is it her or you?"

"For the last time I _am not_ gay."

"So what're you gonna do for Mukuro?" Yusuke asked as he turned to Hiei who rolled his eyes, obviously not amused.

"I'll be damned if I do anything that ridiculous for her. Besides we're demons. We don't care," Hiei growled.

"See, you're what's wrong with this country, hell, with this world! You're the reason why men beat their wives! You're the reason kids cry! You're the reason why everybody in this room thinks Kurama is gay!" ("Oh come on!" Kurama growled. He started to pout in his own corner.)

"Well she doesn't expect me to do stupid stuff for her! And she doesn't do stupid stuff like that for me either! So why should I do anything for her!" Hiei crossed his arms.

"Maybe she's waiting for you to make the first move," Kuwabara broke in.

"Mukuro is the type of person that if she wants something done, she does it herself! Why would I do something for her that she can do herself? And if she _does_ want me to do something for her she would have asked. But she does neither and therefore doesn't want nor does she expect anything of me."

"No women are complicated like that. They expect stuff from you but don't ask for it. That's why it's called 'expected'. And if you don't do anything for her what are you going to tell your kids?!" Yusuke argued, swinging his arms like he was trying to fly or something.

"Mukuro's barren. What's it matter?"

"That's sick. How do you even know?"

"Malnutrition does that to you. So she says."

"What got you on that topic?"

"Why does it matter and for that matter, why is it any business of yours?"

"Whatever. But you still need to do something for Mukuro get her something nice."

"I'm telling you. She doesn't want anything!"

"So what do you do for her birthday? Not even a cheap little cupcake with a candle on it that you found on the ground somewhere with the name 'Billy Bob Thorton' licked off so all she sees is 'Happy birthday you son of a bitch' so then you smack your forehead for not licking off the 'You son of a bitch part' and blame it one 'the guys' (Whoever they are where you work... If what you do counts as work... For the sake of argument let's say it does.) and just give her a handshake to make up for it all?"

"You know something? She was _raped_ on her birthday! Every single goddamn year until she was seven. I think she's had it with that shit for a long time. But does that change the fact that her name's spelled wrong on wikipedia? No! And one more thing she doesn't care about mine (But the reason behind that is because I don't even know my birthday anyway.) so there's no reason she should care about mine."

"Really...?" Kurama broke in. "To start of I'm going to have to say that's kind of sad really. She kind of deserves some extra treatment if she really was treated that badly. I mean she must be on the short end of the stick all of the time because if she screws up once everybody will hate her and if you look at her with indifference all the time that may not help her at all."

"Well, you know what? She never did so shut up, Kurama!" Hiei retorted.

"By the way, you remember that time you asked me for that one plant for her and I gave it to you? Whatever happened to it? Does she still have it?"

"That day I gave it to her to cheer her up because she looked like someone that got put on the fourth floor of an American hotel. She still has it." Slight pause. "Wait... Goddammit Kurama!"

"Ten points to Kurama. Now, I see how it is Hiei... You're embarrassed by all this aren't you?" Yusuke asked mockingly.

"You two can go to hell."

"How cute! He is!" Hiei stormed out in disgust. "Damn it! Where's our entertainment now?"

"Hiei will come back," Kurama replied. "If you're going to make a move on Yukina, he'll be back, Kuwabara."

"Why, does he have the hots for her?" Kuwabara asked, narrowing is eyes. _That means he'll be a threat... _"Wait... How does that work? He has Mukuro!"

"Oh, you know..." Yusuke drawled.

"Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No!"

"Tell me!"

"NO!"

"TELL MEEE!"

"NOOOOOO!"

OXOXO

Hiei walked into the room which for simplicity is called the sleepy time room because you see Mukuro and Hiei sleeping in there... Among... Other things. Like playing Twister and stuff like that. They have plenty of time to kill. Anyway he walked into the sleepy time room and Mukuro was laying there looking all grey and sad. You know how you leave bread in water and it gets all soggy and nasty? Yeah, that's what she looked like. Hiei wanted to poke her with a stick or something be he thought she would come out of his TV and eat his face when he was watching his Jerry Springer or whatever the Japanese equivalent of it is.

Hiei already knew the answer but he asked THE question anyway, but he was talking to Mukuro so he asked it in Shakespearian terms, "How doust my lady?"

"That I'll try..." She threw a spindle at him. And then she threw the sops in the face of the sexton. How the sexton got in the sleepy time room no one knows.

Hiei got irritated and asked her THE question in normal terms: "Are you alright?"

"Do I look alright?" she grumbled. (Of course by this time the sexton disappeared.) She rolled over so her back was to him. Let's forget how uncomfortable that would be considering what she slept on.

Hiei was going to snap at her and yell, "Bitch you sit down and shut up and you goin eat yo broccoli and you goin like it! STFU!" But considering that it was Mukuro he figured that wouldn't be such a good idea. So he proceeded to recite a beautiful poem, a South Dakota original, "Shit! It's cold!"

She didn't reply. Now she looked like... You know those weird Above The Influence commercials with the kids that are all flattened out because they did drugs and the person with them says all they do is lay around all day? Yeah that's what she looked like. And Hiei looked like the crappy drawings in the other Above the influence commercials. He wanted to give her a big bear hug but he felt that shoved a pin in the balloon of his masculinity. He wanted to do something cutesy just to put a smile on her face because he never saw her do a :) smile just an amused smile, half smile or a HA-HA-HA smile which for the record does NOT count.

"I feel like crap."

He never heard her say the word crap before. Or any curse word for that matter. Unless you count half-assed as one. For the sake of argument let's not count that. He didn't know what possessed him to ask THE OTHER question: "Why?"

"Leave me alone."

"Fine." He walked out. Or she thought he did. She didn't remember hearing the weird Star Trek door open. But she felt like the Easter Bunny on Halloween which for the record is VERY VERY BAD. Anyway...

She got up a couple of hours later because her stomach started to settle. When you're Mukuro and you're stomach is upset everything sucks... Especially when you hide stuff in there for later. So she started to walk around the room before she blew up the empty 7-Up bottle for amusement. She continued her trek around the room contemplating her current situation. Just when she was going to begin her angst monologue something came from the ceiling and yelled out, "BOO!" She freaked out and shot the creature. Once the object was on the ground, she looked at what she shot. "Oh, it's you Hiei. I thought you were someone else."

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Hiei screamed despite the bullet hole in his forehead. Hiei's the main character so he earned the right to regenerate from this kind of thing. Or better yet, he has a bullet proof barrier somewhere in his forehead and Mukuro just shot it.

"You came from the ceiling. Didn't you think I would get even a little surprised?"

"That's the point! That's no reason to shoot me! I was trying to be cutesy to make you feel better and what do you do?!"

"Well let's just say that I don't take things like this too well. You should know better anyway. I'm not feeling it anyway."

Neither did Hiei for that matter. "I'm leaving!"

OXOXO

Yusuke, Kuwabara and Kurama were all hanging out at a bar, drinking and having all this fun. Then in comes Hiei with a bloody bandage on his forehead. The three (along with most of the people who were still somewhat sober) turned around and their eyes followed him until he reached their table.

"What happened?" Kuwabara asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," Hiei growled.

"Well it's been four hours since you left us. Did you guys do it? What'd you do with the other two hours and fifty eight minutes?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Did you spend those two minutes fix pipes and stuff?"

"No!"

"Have you ever done it?"

"Hell no."

"Oh come on, Hiei. You do. Everybody does it. You know you do it."

"We don't." Hiei rolled his eyes.

"Oh I see how it is... You're like this... Kurama you be Mukuro."

"Why can't I be Mukuro?" Kuwabara whined.

"Because you suck, lolz. That and Kurama's girly enough and he's got red hair too. So... Shut up! Okay... Anyway Hiei's like..." He leaned on Kurama. "Hey, baby, let's do it."

Kurama felt uneasy. "Let's not."

"Come on..."

"No, leave me alone."

"Fine..." Yusuke got up from the table and walked away.

"Glad that's over." He was about to take solace in his drink when Yusuke came back on jumped on him. "Yusuke! No! Get off!"

"I'm not Yusuke, I'm Hiei. Let's go!"

"No!"

"Calm down girl! Let's do it!"

"Leave me alone!" He shoved him off. "You know, what Yusuke! We're not cool! That's disgusting!"

"It's nothing like that," Hiei growled.

"So what happened then?" Yusuke asked.

"You know what? Fine! She's just moody! Okay?"

"Maybe she's pregnant."

"She can't get pregnant. We haven't even touched each other."

"Sure... I know, give her a hug or something," Kuwabara replied. "That'll cheer her up at least."

"No," Hiei crossed his arms.

"What, cause it's a stain on the underpants of your masculinity?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Even if that weren't disgusting it still would be nothing like that."

"I know. Maybe you should talk. Do you know why she seems upset? And if she says something along the lines of 'nothing' in most cases that would be considered a lie. Consider the so-called average American family. Typically we imagine the scene as a blonde haired blue eyed daughter at the age of seven accessorizing with red ribbons in her pigtails, a red dress with a long sleeved white shirt underneath or we have a brown haired blue (or green) eyed son (sometimes both, ideally both) at the age of eight dressed in a red and yellow striped shirt, blue jeans and a pair of tacky red sneakers sitting at the dinner table that is decorated with a white table cloth and white dishes. Then you have the working father dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and khaki pants with the stay-at-home mom (but nowadays the roles are starting to switch) with a blue flower dress and a pink apron with blue high heels. (She must always wear high heels.) The father is usually depicted as brown haired and brown eyed while the other is usually blonde and blue eyed. The father is sitting at the ver end of the table and the other is sitting across from the child looking depressed. The child asked the mother what's wrong and the mother simply answers with 'Nothing.' The child would have to ask if she's sure and the father would snap, 'She's not feeling well! Leave her alone!' The mother would have to defend the child and tell him not to speak to the child like that and the child, frightened would start to cry. Then the mother would blame the father with, 'Now look at what you've done! And the father and the mother would argue as the child leaves the house to escape it all. That's the average scene of an average home. What I mean by all that is that it's best to try to get to the heart of the matter before giving up and staying with the answer you have. But still it's better to at least try," Kurama finished his speech with a long sigh.

"You know what? Fine! I'll do it! I'll talk to her!" Hiei stormed out of the bar though collecting stares.

"...That chick was hot. I'd hit that," a random drunk guy proclaimed.

OXOXO

"Hey, we need to talk," Hiei announced as he walked into the sleepy time room.

"Yes, we do," Mukuro replied. Well she looked better.

"Kurama said we have to talk about feelings and..."

"That's kind of gay, Hiei." Hey that rhymed.

"Forget it! What do you want to tell me?"

"I'm pregnant." Hey, you remember that part when Hiei said they never even touched each other? Yeah, he lied. And it was all hot and steamy and stuff. And here are all the interesting details:

Sometime in the middle of the night (Or maybe it was in the middle of the day. Depends if one of them's suddenly in heat. Kind of makes it sounds like they're a dog or something. But I guess it's not as nasty as just saying they're horny.) And Hiei was like, "Hey let's do it!" and Mukuro was like "WTF, why? I'm sleeping! Leave alone!" So Hiei says back, "I'm smarter than he is!" (Whatever that was supposed to mean.) So they started doing it and it was all hot and steamy. Oh yeah, and Mukuro was screaming because whenever someone's doing it in a fanfic they have to scream at the top of their lungs. What's the deal with that anyway?

So back to the real story:

"What? I thought you said you couldn't get pregnant."

"Well, I can. I did it for the lulz." Say what?

Hiei probably would have panicked but he's not fazed by much. So he asked a very Zen question, a Walt Whitman quality question, "Do you have bread?"

"Uh... Yeah. On that table. There's butter too if you..."

He put butter on the bread and dropped it. It landed butter side down. "Damn." He did it again and it landed in the same fashion. "Damn." Again. "Damn." Again. "Damn." Again...

**And that's it...?**

Notes:  
1. I know this is kind of doesn't make sense if you want to stay true to the original story but this is two years after the end of the series. I'm assuming the year the anime takes place is in 1991 or 1992. (That's when it started to run as the manga.) And I think about two years actually pass in the manga because in the Japanese version Yusuke's sixteen when it ends. (I know in the English version he's eighteen when it ends.) Anyway in this Yusuke's eighteen.  
2. There are six different stories behind Valentine's Day. I can't remember the other ones. I can't remember the year when chocolate became a tradition.  
3. Yeah... Mukuro and her dad and all that... That kind of depends on who you ask. Some people say that she has a father but others say otherwise. But I'm pretty sure in the manga she has a father that does rape her on her birthday. I think it was cut out of the anime. But I'm not sure. But it's true as of February 4, 2008, that Mukuro is spelled Mokuro on wikipedia.  
4. That thing about the plant was supposedly in the manga but it was used differently... Supposedly he got the plant from Kurama and killed Mukuro's father. And he gave it to her... That's not creepy.  
5. About the sops in the face of the sexton... That was from Shakespeare's _Taming of the Shrew._ I read that part and I thought it'd be great to do that. If you want the details ask in the review because I'm getting sick of explaining stuff in this spot.  
6. Again, that poem was a email I got from Anna Jaganshi... I love it so much. Isn't it so beautiful?  
7. Why were the guys drinking at eighteen? Actually in Japan the drinking age is at eighteen. I think there are also parts of Europe where it's sixteen. I think America may have the highest age limit.  
8. One question... Why do they have to scream in fanfics when they're doing stuff? Really.

Haaaah... I'm done! I'm so worn out from working on this... But I'm glad I finally put this out. It starts to pick up in the next chapter. This won't be very long. I'd be surprised if it made it passed five chapters... Oh well. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of _The Things We Do For Love._ See you soon.

Review please.


	2. Daddy's Little Girl

**//Typing start-February 5, 2008  
****Chapter 2: Daddy's Little Girl**

"You know, Hiei, if you don't tell me what's wrong, I'll just have to smother you with a pillow," Mukuro told Hiei as he stared at the ceiling with seemingly unblinking eyes. "Actually, Hiei... You look so nice and peaceful like that. You look like you're dead."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Just a thought. What's going on with you?"

"Well, for one, you're knitting."

She looked down at her wonderful creation, whatever it was. It was in the beautiful imagery in the words of George Carlin, it was "seriously FUCKED UP!" Come to think of it, how did she learn to knit in the first place? "It's what pregnant women do."

"No, that's what saggy old women do for their grandkids and neighbors who take it because they have to. Pregnant women lay around and puke all day and eat weird crap and do weird breathing exercises and yoga. Or whatever that crap is."

"Actually the breathing exercises are for helping you out during labor and it's the same with the yoga or aerobics... I forget which one it was. Around the nine months it also helps to lift heavy things because it helps you dilate your..."

"_Anyway..._ I was thinking that since this is going on it's time we stop wondering what should be and what should never be. Because what will be will be and what is is and what is not is not. So it's best that what could and should be should stay a should be and a could be and not a would be."

"I'm not following."

Irritable sigh. "I think we should meet each other's parents."

"Why?" Raised eyebrow.

"Do I have to go and say that what will be will be speech again?" She shook her head, eyebrow still cocked. "Okay! That's why!"

"How does that relate to that?"

"I'm not supposed to make sense. It's like candy. It's not supposed to make sense. So we'll start with your father."

"What?! Why?!"

"Because when you're pregnant the pregnant one's parents have to be the first ones to know after the spouse or husband or boyfriend or whatever. It goes like this pregnant woman then the kid's father then the maternal grandparents to be then the paternal grandparents to be then friends then everybody else who doesn't matter."

"Can't we start with your parents first? I think they'll take it better..."

"No! We're going and that's final!"

XOXOX

So Hiei had been driving for a couple of hours (Or he thought it was a couple of hours. The clock in the car always seemed to think it was twelve o' clock.) and he assumed Mukuro had fallen asleep an hour ago. He happened to glance at her because she was making weird sounds in her sleep and twitching. If she were a dog, you would say she was dreaming about running. But let's not say that because that's kind of mean and we all like Mukuro. So let's say she was dreaming about... Er, that's mean too... Let's just say she's having a happy dream. Now Hiei was just looking at her kind of staring because he found Mukuro's twitching kind of comical. He wanted to be cutesy again and kiss her on the cheek but then before he could did it he saw a manga (_Super Special K: American Hero!_) sitting in between their seats, face down parted halfway. For some reason that bothered Hiei. It wasn't that he was a booklover or anything. (He _hated _to read. Especially if it was manga.) It was just that it was _right there_. He picked it up and just before he could light it on fire he stared at the pages. But get this, he was _laughing_ at it. Not an evil laugh, a victory laugh, or an amused laugh. It was a serious laugh.

"Heh heh... Look at all those hamburgers... You can't eat all those hamburgers, you silly man!" Limp wrist. He turned the page. "Oh but he's going to try! You're so ridiculous! You hear me, you ridiculous man?" He looked up at the room... And he became gay for five seconds before he crashed into a tree.

Mukuro's eyes shot open and she twisted around to look at the window. "Good lord! What was happening to that woman!"

"...That was me Mukuro." Sheepishly.

"Are you...?" She noticed the manga in his hands. "What the hell is wrong with you Hiei?! Were you reading that thing while you were driving?! I thought you didn't read that!"

"Okay before you yell at me about this, tell me why this guy eating hamburgers has to do with this Super Special K American Hero guy."

"It's satire of how Americans are overly dependent on fast food and are addicted to Starbucks and how they have a fascination of celebrities but don't care about things that matter like war and voting for presidents."

"Whatever. You know what? We're walking. You need to walk anyway. You'll get fat off all those bowls of pickles and ice cream."

"I should smack you for that." So they walked a few miles until they made it to Mukuro's father's house-hut-apartment-mansion-manor-castle-whatever-he-lives-in-thing. (For the sake of argument let's say he just lives in a house.) "Well, we're here."

Hiei sighed and half dragged her to the door. "Let's go and get it over with." Once they were at the door, he knocked on it. It felt like an hour before the door was answered by a fat man who reached out at the two with sausage fingers. He stared at the two wide pig-like eyes. He started to drool a bit before he finally spoke. "Are you two selling girl scout cookies? I'm running low on mine. I'll take all you have."

"Ugh... I'm Hiei and this is your daughter Mukuro. We come bearing news..."

Le gasp! "They stopped selling chocodiles! Woe is me! Tell me no more!" He slammed the door but Mukuro put her hand in the way so it wouldn't close. She yelped in pain and drew back. The fat man, let's use his real name which I've been told is Chikyou because typing fat man makes me feel like I'm writing about Winston Churchill or that atom bomb that was incidentally named after him, came back out. "Are you okay...?"

"Do I look like I'm okay to you...?" Just for the record she used the wrong hand to keep the door open. Sucks to be her. Sucks to be me. Sucks to be you. Is there anyone it doesn't suck to be? "By the way they stopped selling those years ago."

"Now you tell me!" Woe. " And what, they stopped selling Twinkies and Ho-hos and and Zingers and Snowballs and... And... Did they kill all the Germans?! Am I never to eat a streusel again?! And did the French disappear along with their crepes? And..." He was cut off.

"Just let us in!" He punched him in the stomach but his hand got caught in the fat. "Help!"

"Hee hee... That tickles..."

Mukuro had to pull his hand out. "You don't know how many times I've done that."

He blocked the doorway... Actually he was already doing that. "I will let you in once you answer these questions three." He held up one sausage finger. "Question one- This goes for both of you- What is your name?"

"Hiei and she's Mukuro." After a sigh of irritation.

"Question two- What is your quest?"

"To get inside your frickin house."

"Question three- What is your favorite color?"

"I dunno black."

"That's a shade."

"Fine... I dunno. Brown, red..."

"BONUS QUESTION! What is the maximum speed velocity of an unladed swallow?"

Before Hiei could answer "I don't know", Mukuro answered, "It depends. Is it African or European?"

"I don't know."

Hiei shoved his way in. "Let us in already! Damn! You're so fat that you can't roll down the hill? If you're wondering he _is _the hill! And he's so fat he could sell shade and you need diet water!"

Chiyou retorted, "Well, you're so stupid you sit on the TV and watch the couch!"

"Yeah, well you're so fat not even Naruto can believe it!"

"Yeah well..." He ended the argument by turning around and passing gas in Hiei's general direction like in The Miller's Tale in The Canterbury Tales and he added meditatively, "Every little bean must be heard as well as seen." He invited the two to the couch and brought cups of tea. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"I think you might want to sit down because it might now feel right for your ass to keep jiggling after you bounce back to your feet," Hiei replied. Once the man sat down in his chair (which I might add, he barely fit in) Hiei took a deep breath and went on, "Mukuro's pregnant."

He smiled and he looked like a pig eating whatever that nasty crap they eat in the cartoons is. "That's cute. Who's the father...?"

"That would be me."

"How nice! I'm glad that you can make my daughter happy." He changed the TV to a channel that showed David Lynch's _Rabbits_. "Enjoy the tea. Forget about the rabbits."

"I don't trust him," Mukuro finally said. She drank the tea anyway.

"But you trust his drinks."

"Ah, crap. Goddammit! Quit putting sleeping potions in my...!" Mukuro passed out mid sentence.

Suddenly Chiyou came back with a shotgun. "And now I'll get you for deflowering my daughter, you pervert!"

"What?!" He hid behind the couch. "But you did it to her to! And she wasn't even old enough for that crap either! That's even worse!"

"Yeah but it's okay because I'm sexy."

"No you're not."

"Beauty's only skin deep."

"Well you have a long way to look fatty!"

"I'm going to kill you for that!" He knocked over the couch. Before he could fire it Mukuro, who woke up when the couch was knocked over, jumped in between them. "What the...? I thought you were passed out!"

"About that..." She paused. "HOLY HELL! WHAT IS THAT?!"

He turned around. "What...?"

She pulled a pistol out on him and fired it but the bullet bounced off his head.

He turned around, causing her to fly across the room from the impact of his fat. "Did you just try to kill me? Where'd you go? Oh well..." He pointed the shot gun at Hiei. Before he fired he put a pipe in his mouth. "Wait this tastes... Mukuro, did you poison my pipe again?! Quit trying to kill me!"

She gabbed Hiei by the arm and jumped out the window.

"YOU GET BACK HERE!"

"Let's never come back here again!" Mukuro growled once they got back to the car which somehow stayed in the same place all this time.

"Agreed."

**And that's all...?  
//End typing- February 11, 2008**

Notes:  
1. I forgot this last chapter. About the fourth floor... In Japan most buildings don't have a fourth floor because the word for four is similar for the word for death.

That's it...? No more notes? I guess that makes up for the last chapter... Aaah... There's not much to say... I'm under a lot of pressure since I have to go on stage starting the fourteenth for certain classes... No pressure... No pressure...

I'll see you in the next chapter.

Much love... JC.


	3. Hysteria

_/Typing start- February 14, 2008 (Valentine's Day!)  
__Chapter 3: Hysteria (Or Disturbia... Whichever sounds cooler.)_

"I think with having met your father we've had enough of meeting each other's parents," Hiei said the next morning. He was about to drift off into his weird little dream world where he was Donald Duckbut then he thought it over and decided he didn't want to be Donald Duck because not only would people not be able to understand him and robots take his hat but he would have to serve Hitler and then become Hitler. And everybody knows that short, fat Austrian dictators are NOT hot. He suddenly became aware that Mukuro was staring at him and he realized that she was waiting for him to say something to her. So he came up with a witty reply: "She speaks yet she says nothing, what of that...?"

"You weren't listening, were you?" Mukuro asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"No I wasn't."

"I said that we are meeting your parents since you ended up digging up bad memories for me. And half got us killed."

"Oh come on! That last one shouldn't count! He couldn't kill me with two hands tied, his legs chopped off, and blindfolded!"

"You know he really can't. And I'd be surprised if anyone can."

"Don't antagonize me!"

"I'm just being your voice of reason. Besides that it's an equal exchange anyway."

Hiei couldn't really argue with that. That or he didn't feel like saying anything back to her because the fear of her coming out of his TV and eating his face while he was watching COPS came to him. And everybody knows that you can't miss a second of that goddamn show. That and she might smack him for being a smart ass. That sucked because you can't really hit a pregnant woman. Or Mukuro in general. But he decided that he had to fight back anyway. "Don't start turning this into a dark past fight."

"I'm not. I'm just saying that you should be true to your word that the first one to know after the mother would be the father of the child then the maternal grandparents and then the paternal grandparents. So therefore we should go."

"I didn't mean to take it seriously."

"Really..." She narrowed her eyes... If that were possible anyway.

"Well I might be more willing but I know what we're up against so..." A phone rang. "I'd like to honor you but I have to take this call." He answered it. "Hello? God, for the last time, Cheney, I will _not_ go hunting with you." He hung up. "Shee..."

"Well, you know, Hiei, any man afraid of his father is gay." Oh come on Mukuro, that won't work!

"We're going!" ...Or maybe it will... "But how do we know were to look?"

"I have just the thing for this occasion!" She took a laptop out of the suddenly existing closet. "You know how in CSI they have these things that find people's information like where they live? I have that too."

"Why?"

"Well I thought it sounded cool like the number seventy seven. And I was inspired when I saw a movie. I saw _Butterfly Effect_ and I thought it was so awful that I had to do something about it. So I made this program so I could track them down but then I got bored with that idea so I made a panic room so I could escape it. That and to hide my chocolate wafers for a midnight snack."

"Why would you want to eat in the middle of the night?"

"That's what pregnant women do. I did find out that everything tastes better at midnight too."

"Now I know you're your father's child."

"Well if you want to be technical and politically correct, he's my adoptive father."

"Whatever!" They walked to the car. Apparently the car they had in the last chapter was fixed like brand new in the span of one day.

"I just had a thought, Hiei," Mukuro said as they got in. "Since when did you know how to drive?"

"Since when do we have a car and since when have there been drivable roads in this part of Demon World?"

"Touche." She threw the manga _Super Special K: American Hero!_ out the window.

"I was going to read that."

"Not while you're driving."

"I won't crash this time." Emphasis on the This time.

"Just go." About half an hour later, Mukuro remembered. "Do we even know where we're going?"

"Aw crap..."

XOXOX

They made it to their destination- a random house on the corner of Elm Street and Muholland Drive. Never mind the fact that the house was in the middle of nowhere and those two streets never intersect anywhere in both worlds. Let's just add those street names for dramatic effect. They walked to the door and knocked on it since doorbells have no place anywhere in this fanfic. Some guy that looked exactly like Hiei answered. ...Actually he broke a window and leaned out of it. Once he saw Hiei and Mukuro he opened the door. Everything has to be harder than it is in this place, don't you know?

"What do you want?" Hiei's dad whose name is unknown (Although if you ask some people out there they say Hiei and his dad have the same name. I don't know how that works either.) and will therefore be continued to be called Hiei's dad growled. He was not fazed by the fact that Hiei looked exactly like him but he's one of those guys that isn't impressed by much.

"I'm Mukuro and this is Hiei," Mukuro greeted him. Or not. Diction is confusing. "We come bearing news. Plus this was his idea so..."

"Don't put the blame on me!" Hiei hissed.

"Honesty is a virtue."

"Are you familiar with the schmoo?" Hiei's dad asked.

"The what?"

"Just let us in!" Hiei shoved his way in.

"Fine... What do you have to tell me?"

"She's pregnant."

"So?"

"I'm the father."

"So? You guys are married. You do what you want. I never even asked for you to show up like this. This sucks worse than that time those weird fangirls tried to molest me and found out that I wasn't some guy named Sasuke struck by lightning."

"That's the point." He pretended not to be disturbed by that comment about the fangirls. When you're any of the four guys (except Kuwabara) in Yu Yu Hakusho, you get that a lot.

"And we're not married," Mukuro added.

"Say WHAT?! What's wrong with you, son?!" Hiei dad screamed as he slammed his hands on a suddenly existing coffee table.

"You weren't married to mom when I was born. In fact you weren't even around when I was born," Hiei replied, crossing his arms.

"That's a different story! It's a good reason too!"

"Like what?" Mukuro asked sarcastically.

"What is it suddenly time to gang up on me?" Hiei's dad threw a suddenly existing coffee mug with a weird screen shot from that weird Donald Duck cartoon "Der Fuhrer's Face" at her. "Besides that you should be defending yourself from crap like that? Aren't you supposed to be some huge political leader or something too?"

"I used to."

"See this is what's wrong with you kids! You're all obsessed with your video games and your music and you... jellybeans and stickers."

"Well you know... I am actually old enough to be his mother..."

"You pedophile!" He pointed a finger at her accusingly like pointing her out in a line of convicts in an ice cream parlor or something.

"You know what?! I've had it with you! Fuck you motherfucker!" He threw the creepy coffee mug back at him.

"Hiei, he's your father. Of course he's a motherfucker," Mukuro broke into the conversation. Ten points to her.

"You know what Mukuro? Shut up! That's what!"

"You know what son! I'm calling your mother!" Hiei's dad pulled out a phone out of nowhere. He's a magician you know. That and he has Cingular and Altell. You know, the company that has the commercials that has that little part at the end with the song going, "Come and get your love..."

"The hell you are!" He pulled out a lazer gun and fired. But instead of a cool, kick ass lazer that would have throw Hiei's dad into oblivion, he got a bunch of really fruity confetti. The kind that would make Emmet from _Queer as Folk, _Jack from _Will and Grace_ and that guy from that one yoai look like a freakin' biker. "What the hell?"

XOXOX

"Hey Kirin."

"Yeah?"

"You remember when we put that fruity confetti in Hiei's ray gun?"

"Yeah."

"That was awesome."

"I know. We are so fucking funny."

Kirin left the room and ate his turkey-mayonnaise-peanut butter-banana sandwich with a pitcher of chocolate lemonade-grape-cola and a desert of pineapple-onion cake. Life was good.

XOXOX

"Damn it all!" He threw it on the ground and kicked it so it nearly missed Mukuro's head. It left a weird dent-thing on the wall though.

"Hiei, maybe you should do some breathing exercises," Mukuro broke in.

"You do breathing exercises! Your and your seventeen gentleman callers on a broomstick!"

"I just called your mother. She's on her way," Hiei's dad commented. "She'll be here in two hours. Until then I'm going to have to tell you about premarital sex. Have you seen _Eraserhead_?"

"What's that?" Still fuming.

"That's okay. Your little mind wouldn't be able to handle it anyway. But the point is that Henry Spencer guy and that Mary X had premarital sex and you know how their baby turned out? It was all mutated and crap!"

"Yes, you're so much more ethical," Mukuro broke in sarcastically.

"Oh yeah, you're one to talk! He's less than half your age and you go and do stuff with him! What's wrong with _you_?!" Hiei's dad pointed an accusing finger at her.

There was a knock at the door. "Oh she's here. That was fast."

There was a menacing, blood curdling scream at the door and the three for some reason cowered on the couch.

"I wonder who I will be..." Mukuro said in a half whisper.

The door swung open, thunder struck even though it was perfectly sunny outside. A woman who resembled the lady from _The Grudge _except with a kimono on and mint green hair. Or whatever her hair is supposed to be.

"HIEI! WHAT IS THIS CRAP I'VE HEARD FROM YOUR FATHER ABOUT GETTING A RANDOM DEMON LORD PREGNANT EVEN THOUGH SHE'S MORE THAN TWICE YOUR AGE AND DRINKING WITH TWO HUMANS AND A FOX AND FIGHTING EVIL WITH THEM AND COMING HOME TO THAT SAME LORD?!" Hiei's mom (Let's call her Hina since we all know that's her name if we actually sat through those whole two episodes in the Three Kings Series and honestly writing Hiei's mom and Hiei's dad a hundred times not only gets annoying but it's also a pain to type.) screamed, a huge red vein popping out of her neck.

"Oh, leave me alone," Hiei growled as he crossed his arms, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, that's it, young man!" She grabbed him by the wrist and threw him on the ground. "And where's that bitch he's with?!"

"I'm the only one other than you in the room," Mukuro replied half sarcastically.

"You are going to die! TONIGHT WE DIE IN HECK!"

"What...?"

"This is madness!" Hiei screamed and he hid in the closet.

Hiei's dad ate a piece of cake. "This is delicious!"

"This is CAKETOWN!" Hina chased Mukuro out with a giant knife that looked like Pyramid Head's Great Knife. "YOU GET BACK HERE YOU DOG! YOU SWINE! YOU RAT WITH LEGS!"

"Oh come on! That last one shouldn't count!" Mukuro suddenly stopped, reached down her shirt and threw a cellophane "S" at her (because we all know that female anime characters must always have a medicine cabinet and a monster truck down their shirts), causing Hina to fall over.

"What was that?"

"I dunno but take that, you big bully."

"That was a minor inconvience."

"Can we go now?" Hiei asked when he came outside. "I ate a rat in the closet and now I feel like playing _Guitar Hero_ and going to the arcade and playing my DDR."

"No!" Hina knocked him over, threw him over her knee and started to spank him.

"Aw, damn it all!"

After five minutes of that she finally relaxed but it turned out that she had poppy seeds in her shirt and she somehow smelled them just now and she passed out.

"Let's get out of here!" Hiei dragged Mukuro away.

And Hiei's dad? Well, he was just sitting in front of the TV while all this was happening watching his _Jerry Springer_.

**And that's all...?  
****/End typing-April 2, 2008**

Notes:  
1. There was an old Donald Duck cartoon where a robot takes his hat when he's at a museum. Then there was another one where he takes pills so people can understand him. In the end he drops them and a cow eats them so he gets mad. So the cow says in a clear British accent, "Excuse me sir, I can't understand a word you're saying." And there's one called Der Fuhrer's Face where he's working for Hitler. Wikipedia it or look that one up on youtube.  
2. If you forgot, Vice President Dick Cheney shot someone when he went hunting. He said he thought it was a quail.  
3. Elm Street is a reference to the Freddy Crougar series _Nightmare on Elm Street_ and Muholland Drive is a reference to a David Lynch film that goes by that same name.  
4. The seventeen gentleman callers and all that was a reference to a line fro Tennessee Williams' _The Glass Menagerie._

I haven't updated in almost two months? Are you serious? Crap! I need to quit goofing off and going on wikipedia when I should be typing. And I need to quit playing around on the jigsaw with the broken server on gaia. Ugh... Anyway... There's only like two chapters left I think. It's two or three. I'll get to it if I don't start on _Ride like the Wind._ Yeah. I'll take request for one shots after this is done if you really want me to write something more...

One more thing, my sister and I started this thing called the FAIL Project. Basically what you do is write a bunch of failed crossovers as badly or as well as you can. Then there's the plot experimentation where you pick an anime, etc and use a random plot device. If you're interested say so in a review and leave your email if you don't have it out there for any reason so you can get everything. Thanks.

Much love, JC


	4. And so

_/Typing start- April 3, 2008  
__Chapter 4: And so..._

"Kurama, you don't look so good," Kuwabara said to Kurama who looked just like a piece of cake with all the frosting licked off or a cheesecake without the delicious cream cheese filling eaten. And for the record, that does _not_ mean he's naked, sicko. And what's cake without the frosting or a cheesecake without the filling? That's just mass. "You look really tired like you didn't get any sleep last night or something."

"Sorry for keeping you up all last night, Kurama," Yusuke whispered to Kurama.

"What?!" Kuwabara screamed and nearly fell out of his chair.

"We were playing _Call of Duty_ all night. I was killing so many Germans! Take that Nazi Germany!"

"Yusuke, there's a problem with that statement. _We WERE the Germans,"_ Kurama broke in.

"Are you serious?!" Yusuke cried in disbelief. "That's a lie! Like prison cake! The cake is a lie!"

"If that's what you want to call it..." Kuwabara sighed as he slid back into a comfortable position in his chair.

Hiei came into the room and Yusuke twisted to see it was him.

"Hiei! You're back! What took you so long? Was she really that... You know..." Yusuke asked, suggesting other things.

"I was only gone for three days. What the hell did you think I was doing?" Hiei growled.

"You know what I mean..." Suggestive grin. Hiei rolled his eyes in response.

"Sure! Hiei leaves for three days and all you want to know how everything's going for him and want to make his a great turkey dinner-banquet thing but I leave for two weeks and you guys don't even know that I was gone! You guys aren't friends! You guys are jerks!" Kuwabara started to pout.

"No that's because you stayed in room 302 in California, 1408 in New York and on the fourth floor in Hawaii. You have awful luck with hotels, Kuwabara," Yusuke shot back. "Why don't you just ask for room 4444 on the fourth floor one week and room 1313 the next?"

"Leave me alone!"

"So did you find out what was wrong with Mukuro?" Kurama asked.

"She was pregnant," Hiei replied bluntly.

"She was? I thought you said she couldn't."

"She did it for the lulz apparently."

"Good idea."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on!" Yusuke jumped in between the two. Drama. Angst. Fleshing teddy bears. He held up a sandwich. "Kurama, what the hell did you put in my sandwich?!"

"Uh... Turkey, cheese, lettuce..."

"MAKE IT AGAIN!" Yusuke threw it at him. "And spit in it like I told you!" He turned back to Hiei. "So she is...? How long do you have to wait?"

"I dunno, nine, ten months," Hiei replied irritably.

"What do you mean ten?! Don't you know how long pregnancy lasts?!"

"Yeah but I'm still not telling."

"What, because you don't know?"

"I know."

"Sure... But do I have to do that thing to Kurama to help you remember or will Kuwabara have to join in and take the part of Yomi?"

"Touch me and you die," Kurama's eyes glowed like when you turn on a flashlight on a cat's eyes. Come to think of it, his eyes looked like how they did in _Rubber Johnny_. That's not creepy. That's not creepy at all.

"You know what? Fine! It's between six and seven months left to wait!" Hiei growled. "Secondly, Mukuro and Yomi hate each other. They wouldn't come near each other even if their lives depended on it."

"Dude, we should throw her a baby shower or something! That'd be funny!" Yusuke joked. Or maybe not. Oh, to understand the mind of Yusuke Urameshi...

"Why would you want to do that?"

"I do it for the lulz."

"Don't say that Urameshi! It reminds me of that report I had to do in the seventh grade about Hitler and when the teacher asked me why he did what he did and I replied, 'For the lulz' I didn't know what to say! I'm so sorry, World!" Kuwabara cried, waving his arms around like he was trying to fly or something.

"But he hasn't met Mukuro yet so this is an opportunity for them to meet!" Just stop right now. Just think about that meeting between Kuwabara and Mukuro like in the middle of a park or something and they see each other for the first time. They don't know each other's names or anything. Just stop here and think about that. Seriously.

"I consider it a good thing they haven't met," Hiei retorted.

"Why not? I wanna see what kind of girl you're with. I mean, sure she must look like a dude if everybody thought she was a guy for half a thousand years but she still must be the type of girl that could only be described in the words of a poet as skipping sexily through the fields or walking in a matter that made a pole dancer jealous. Something a poet would describe as someone you would want to do _something_ again and again with. And by that I mean play twister. That game is awesome!" Kuwabara started laughing. "But you get my point. So... Is she?"

Hiei looked appalled. "I... I have nothing to say to all that."

"Oh... So she is! Lucky guy! But I have Yukina. Nothing can top my Yukina!"

"She's not!"

"For shame, Hiei! Are you implying that she's ugly?" Kurama asked, insulted himself.

"No, I'm just saying that everything Kuwabara just said is false."

"Basically she's hot only in his eyes," Yusuke added. "I think she's okay. Just okay. But at least she doesn't look all weird and misshapen like in _Dragon Ball_sA to Z."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Urameshi! I love _Dragon Ball _and_ Dragon Ball Z _and _Dragon Ball GT! _Toriyama is the greatest!" Kuwabara cried over a picture of Akira Toriyama.

"Well, I guess it's better than him idolizing Naruto. I don't know what the hell he was saying but if he says 'Believe it' one more goddamn time I am going to choke him."

"You know what, I think since Yusuke insulted The Great Toriyama I have to meet your girl!" Kuwabara pointed an accusing finger at Hiei who rolled his eyes in response.

"How does that work?" Hiei asked. "That's like making Yasuhiro Kano jam his finger into a pencil sharpener because Toriyama drew his characters with the wrong hair color."

"Yeah well, I still wanna see her. I've only heard about her but I've never seen her."

"And why do you want to see her?"

"You know our girls so why can't we meet yours? I mean, how many of us have actually talked to her. And once doesn't count. That doesn't mean anything. You don't know a person by saying three things. You can get something from Starbucks and say the same amount of stuff."

"Fine. But don't mention anything that would piss her off."

"That means don't mention the screwed up part of her face," Yusuke whispered.

"SAY WHAT?!" Kuwabara nearly fell over.

XOXOX

They arrived in Demon World and they stood in front of that weird door thing that led to the sleepy time room. Either the door was really interesting or everyone expected a giant tentacle monster or that weird tape worm monster that attacks you in that Leviathan-thing's intestines to come out and attack Kurama or something. It has to be Kurama because he has to lose the most blood out of these for. Anyway...

"I'll wake her up now..." Hiei was about to go in but Yusuke got in his way and kicked sand in his eyes. "What the hell is your problem?!"

"She's not getting out this easy. I came here for laughs and seeing you wake up Mukuro and letting her walk around like it's nothing isn't funny. I bought Reese's Pieces for this occasion," Yusuke said as he opened the bag. He put some on the ground and made a trail with them that went down the hall. "Hey, I hear something! Quick! Hide!"

"I still don't see why you couldn't do this simply and just let me get her to come out on her own..." Hiei was interrupted.

"Shut up! Someone's eating the Reese's Pieces! Everybody just be quiet!" Drama. Angst. More drama. More angst. _Numa numa _started to play for some reason but everybody started dancing to it anyway. Suddenly _Numa numa _was replaced by the guitar solo from Nightwish's _Wishmaster_ and they started rocking out to it until the person who was eating the Reese's Pieces came. It was...

"What the...?! You're not Mukuro!"

Kirin looked up from the candy. "This is awkward... I should go."

"Yeah, you should because then... Then... You don't know what I'll do! Don't mess with the Mazoku, bitch! We're mean, we're green..." Yusuke was interrupted.

"No you're not."

"Go away!"

Kirin walked away and kicked a kitten as he left. ("That jerk..." Kuwabara grumbled as he sobbed over a picture of Eikichi.) Then they heard a voice that sounded an awful lot like the nerd from Katamari Damacy. You know, the one that says, "What's happening?!" Anyway, they all turned around to see Mukuro standing there, a bottle full of a red liquid in her hand.

"Look it's Mukuro!" Yusuke pointed at her like no one could see her. Then again he's the only one that can see The Ghost That Never Lies. He must be used to having to do that. Excuses, excuses. Mukuro stared at him and then she broke the bottle on his head. "Ow! What the hell?! What is this stuff?!"

"Pig's blood."

"Why is there pig's blood in there?! And how did it get there?!"

"I dunno. I woke up on the table with a bottle full of pig's blood. I think my antagonist is after me again."

"Antagonist? You have an antagonist?" Kurama raised an eyebrow. "I thought you and Yomi made peace with each other..."

"No. She means one of the many Mary Sues that somehow made it here. But everyone has an antagonist. Yusuke had Sensui and Toguro. You have Kaitou. I have Shigure. And Kuwabara has that baby with the one eyebrow..."

XOXOX

Kuwabara kneeled in front of the stroller. "What a cute little baby!"

Suddenly the baby grabbed Kuwabara by the nose and started whacking him with his rattle as he gave an evil laugh that made Kuwabara feel like however Tobias and the other Londoners felt as they listened to the sound of Sweeny Todd's laughter.

"Hey! Lemme go!"

The mother turned around. "Leave my baby alone! He just wants to play!"

"But he was..!"

"Get out!"

Four panels. Lone tear.

XOXOX

"...And that greased up guy..."

XOXOX

Kuwabara was at the store getting a pack of eggs when a greased up guy slid up to him and knocked him down.

"Ha ha! Take that, loser!" The greased up guy ran away.

XOXOX

"And that guy from Brazil, you know... Where the nuts come from."

XOXOX

There was a blonde guy running around in bright colors greeting everybody as they came down the street with his huge grin.

"He's so cute!" Yukina giggled.

_You jerk..._ Kuwabara glared at the guy.

XOXOX

"I think you may be right..." Kurama thought about it.

"I think we've done enough thinking. Let's just go on that road trip I had planned..." Yusuke dragged Hiei away with everyone following. Well, except Kuwabara. The one eyebrow baby and the greased up guy ganged up on him once everybody's back was turned. And the Brazilian guy was crying because of that.

XOXOX

They were all climbing Mount Fuji.

"Dammit, Yusuke! Who the hell do you think you are, giving orders like this?!" Kuwabara growled.

"What, are you stupid? A little dull? I'm the goddamn Mazoku!" Yusuke through a starfish at him.

**And that's all...?  
****/End typing- April 25, 2008**

Notes:  
1. The cake is a lie!- That was in a game... I think it was called Portal. I dunno how that came in so...  
2. "No because you stayed... the next?- Whew, here we go... Room 302 was the haunted/ evil apartment room in _Silent Hill 4: The Room _and it's California because apparently _Silent Hill _is there since you see Tolcua Lake in the map. 1408 was from the movie with the same name. The hotel it's takes place in is in New York. I think it was anyway. I think I've mentioned this before but in Japan most buildings have no fourth floor because one word for four is similar to the word for death. I don't need to explain 1313.  
3. Rubber Johnny- And I'm not talking about condoms. It's a video on youtube. I saw a few seconds of it but I don't know what it is. I think it's something about a mentally "challenged" guy. (I have to be politically correct, I guess.) But it's filmed in night vision or something.  
4. Akira Toriyama and Yasuhiro Kano- Toriyama, if you didn't know and couldn't guess was the creator of the Dragon Ball series. Yasuhiro Kano was the creator of Pretty Face. The only reason I connected the two was because in one note, Kano mentioned he met Toriyama and that they smoke the same brand of cigarettes.  
5. Thing about that tape worm monster- That's a reference to _Devil May Cry 2_. Yeah.  
6. If you haven't heard of Numa Numa by now... You probably haven't been on the internet too long. As for Wishmaster... Just look it up on youtube and click on the misheard lyrics. That's the easiest way to get to listen to it.  
7. Katamari Damacy- It's this super weird Japanese game (which made it to America) where you play this Prince alien-thing and roll up things on Earth to make stars for the King of all the Cosmos who destroyed all the stars. It's awesome!  
8. Sweeny Todd... I never watched the movie so I don't know if they had Johnny Depp do the creepy laugh. But in the original story (String of Pearls) they said he had a laugh that sounded like a hyena. From what I read on wikipedia the movie's different from the story. But it's based on the musical and I don't know how that was.  
9. That Brazilian guy isn't my character. He's Rick from my sister's story _Poing!_

Yeah that's a lot of notes. By the way if you know anyone that wants Scenes from a Hat updated, tell them I'll update when this fanfic's over. Yeah. Uh... I've been out of the loop. I still need to go through my favorite fanfics... Augh. I also need to do my research paper due on the eighth.

See you later -JC.


	5. Epilogue For Real this Time

_And now it is time for...  
__**The wonderfully sexiful ending also known as the epilogue but that term is just over used and half of the time the writer doesn't mean it so it's like "What the hell? How was that an epilogue if the story didn't even end there?" that's like having the underline button but professionally you don't use it for anything. What's the point of that?**_

"So we decided we're all going to Silent Hill," Yusuke told everyone as they all crammed together in the back seat of the car. For the people that like to pay attention to useless details it's a really wide Toyota or Honda or Acura or something but the only thing that's special about it for you is that it's blue like Mukuro's eyes in the darkness on a hot summer day June twenty second in particular at two o' clock in the morning as she stares intently at the ceiling thinking for exactly thirty seconds about Hiei then another about darkness then another about souls and another about bunnies running over chickens and another... And the car is wide enough to fit five grown people. (Well, we're not sure about Hiei. You never know. He's still not a hundred yet.) Anyway while that reader considers all these details and all of the symbolism within that we'll go back to the story. As everyone crammed into the seat, Yusuke gave the drive a bottle cap (A golden bottle cap from a Corona bottle or whatever he drinks. It's probably that Kirin one. Kirin's an awesome unimportant character. But if you haven't read the bottom ten percent of every continuation or Hiei/Mukuro stories you probably don't remeber him. He was the guy who pissed off Anna Jaganshi... And...)

Then Mukuro became a great philosopher: "Why?"

"What do you mean why? You and Hiei need to go on at least one date before that kid pops out or hatch it or whatever way you people produce offspring. Besides that they have Pyramid Head and Bubblehead nurse plushies complete with authentic blades! Awesome!" Yusuke probably said that with regards to his ancestors who probably wouldn't go on dates anyway... Yes we're looking at you RAIZEN.

"What can a pregnant person do on a date though? When you're pregnant, all the romance flies out of dates!" Kuwabara kicked Yusuke. "And how come we all have to come? I don't wanna be around other people dating! That feels like watching people... Doing... Things."

"Kuwabara, you were begging to come! So shut up!" Yusuke kicked him back.

"I thought I could bring Yukina! I thought we were all bringing dates... Well except Kurama. Who knows if he'll ever get a girlfriend." ("I resent that..." Kurama mumbled to himself.)

"Yeah well, Demon World Constitutional Law Five, Article Three, Section Two, Sentence seven, word one..."

"'The'?" Hiei interrupted Yusuke.

"Shut up Little Hans! Going on seeing Sigmund Freud to be told you love your mother and you fear a horse's..."

"Silent Hill doesn't even exist. You're just taking us to a nonexisting place. A road to perdition!"

"Yeah, well you my good man are a sporklefork! I can make up long funny words too! In fact, here's another one for you- schorktanfanoyi!"

"So if we're not going to Silent Hill, were are we going?" Kurama asked. "In fact, who's driving?"

"I dunno. We all just jumped in the car."

"So you don't even know who's driving and where they're taking you?" Mukuro asked indifferently. Considering that she had to be in a car with Hiei driving and having gone through a whole tournament formulated by Yusuke I'm sure this whole thing isn't much of a surprise... She got no answer and did a face palm.

"Hey, let's go to the strawberry fields," Kuwabara finally said. "I love strawberries. I bet I can bring a huge basket of strawberries home..." He imagined the look on Yukina's face.

"_OMG Kazuma you gave me strawberries! You're so awesome! I'll love you forever and ever... And I'll marry you right now! I luff you Kazu darling!"_

But then Kuawabara's dreams were smashed. "I'm sorry, Mister Kuawabara, but there aren't any strawberries here. Actually the plants here in Demon World are rather brutal. Fruit bearing ones are really rare around here."

"What?!" Kuwbara screamed and grabbed her by the arm (which was difficult because Kurama and Hiei were in between them) and started shaking her. "How can you not have strawberries?! Is that why you people are all so angry and depressed and... I hate you!" He started crying onto Kurama's shoulder. "I hate you..." And Kuwabara, oddly enough, looked like a bunch of strawberries trapped inside a pinata at a retirement home.

"Let go of her! I wouldn't trust you with your own damn kids. You already have shaken fetus syn-" Hiei was interrupted.

"I believe it's Shaken Baby Syndrome," Mukuro broke in but Hiei took no heed. What a great word.

"-drome. Just shut the fuck up!"

Everyone collectively gasped. "He said the f word..."

"What? Shut? Up?" Blank stare.

"Fuck. Don't you know your letters?" Mukuro asked ("Now she said it!"), cocking a brow because apparently eyebrows are guns and you can fire them at people.

"Well EXCUSE ME for having incredible flaws that I don't work on! And besides that, it's just a word. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck! Fuck!"

"Shut up, I'm trying to drive!" the driver turned around and again everyone collectively gasped. (Except Kurama. He was enjoying this little exchange. He was even swallowing tubs and tubs of old stale popcorn covered with what looked like cheese. Apparently this guy has no life but to watch couples argue. In fact, he made it a point to live next to Yusuke and Keiko so he can spy on every argument so he can remix them into techno songs so they can be a big hit. Just like a perfect spy.)

"Oh crap! It's that Gamemaster kid! Only he's not really a kid anymore but old enough to drive! We're all gonna die!" Yusuke started crying. "I just started getting up to date with _Heroes_ and _Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles_! Why?!"

"Don't make me make Seamonkey slap you!" Gamemaster whose full name is actually Tsukihito Amanuma growled.

Seaman or Mitarai as we all know him, "Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!" Long silence. "...It's my catchphrase. You like it?" Silence. "I hate you all."

"I hate you all too! I think I'll just go in the trunk and cry myself to sleep until we get to whereever we're going!" Kuwabara started throwing a tantrum.

"You can't do that. There's people back there," Kurama replied.

"Oh great! And who are these jerks anyway?"

Then at that moment three people came out of the trunk which was somehow connected to the backseat at that very moment. And they were the wonder couple... Er, twins... Or... Wonder trio: Yomi, Shura, and Raizen.

"I'm going to see the Wizard of Fanfiction so I can get my name on the character list and get some fangirls!" Shura cried and looked all cross-eyed.

"I'm going to see the Wizard of Fanfiction so I can get out of yaois between Kurama and I and convince everyone that I am NOT a pedophile," Yomi added. He would probably be glaring knives into Kurama if he could see. But Kurama was drowning himself in butter.

"I'm going to see the Wizard of Fanfiction so I can actually get in some fanfics and get people to remember me!" Raizen finished the unwanted survey.

"Great! So I can't even be alone in a car full of ten people!" Kuwabara started kicking Mitarai, smashed a creme pie in Yusuke's face, poked Kurama in both of his eyes _Three Stooges _style, and then sprayed that carbonated water they always serve in spray bottles in the cartoons. Kuwabara was about to attack Mukuro with a photoshopped picture of John McCain and Barak Obama dancing on the Eiffel Tower when Mukuro threw Shura out the window. Never mind how she did it.

"There's room now," Mukuro said nonchalantly.

"Did you just throw my son out the window?" Yomi growled.

"No. It was Hilary Clinton throwing something at her husband after she found out he ate the last slice of pie."

"You...! Well take this!" He fired a watermelon launcher that happened to hit Hiei's leg which spouted watermelon meat all over the place.

"You bastard! You wanna go out the window too!" Hiei flicked watermelon meat at him. He actually wanted to spit speeds at him but he decided to be civilized about it.

"I wouldn't trust you with your kids! I won't go! You don't own this car! I don't even work here!"

"And what makes you say that I don't even hold power over you!"

"...Hell... I dunno." And a bunch of slime fell on him. (Of course by this time Raizen disappeared because he wanted embark on yet another never ending quest to find the Thousand Year Old Grape. And Yomi jumped out to go find Shura who fell out of the car like a rejected potato... Or a rejected Thunder Cat.) "...Shit."

"Sweet! Slime!" Yusuke yelled into the roof. "I dunno! I dunno! I dunno!" No slime. "Dammit!"

"Say, Yusuke..." Slime fell on Kurama.

"How about pies? Are there pie shops anywhere?" Kuwabara whined.

"I..." She caught herself. "I'm sure there are but I've never been to one. I don't like sweets at all."

"No wonder you're always so depressed! I bet..."

"Shut up, Kuwabara! No matter what you do, Yukina will NEVER even consider going on a date with you and you should be ashamed for thinking otherwise!" Hiei broke into the conversation.

"Can it shorty! I'm trying to talk here!" Kuwabara yelled and smacked him with a pie.

"Okay! If everyone doesn't shut up, I will set off this bomb!" Kurama held up a time bomb.

"What?! There's a bomb in the back?! Why do every eleven minutes of my life have to be filled with pain and misery?" Gamemaster pounded his head on the steering wheel. "Oh hey. Check out that hot blonde over there. I guess life is worth living. ...But why couldn't I be graced with at least one zombie!"

Miatarai stared at him."No, Tsukihito. You are a zombie."

_And Tskukihito Amanuma was a zombie. BUT WHO WAS PHONE?_

"I think I've had just about enough with this whole thing," Kuwabara turned to Hiei and Mukuro. "I think we're... Hey what the...? Where the heck did Shorty and his Juno just go to?"

"I dunno," Yusuke replied... And slime fell on him. "You know... This stuff is pretty good. Get me another one of those creme pies. I bet those are pretty good with this slime."

Kuwabara ignored him and turned to Kurama. "You know where they went to?"

"Depends, Kuwabara. Do you mean it this time or are you asking random questions again?" Kurama replied as he took over the new space that opened up so he can sleep.

"...What's a hypotenuse?"

Face palm.

**I wish I had a mini cactus.**

So let's go to our favorite couple now... They jumped out of the car sometime after _BUT WHO WAS PHONE?_ and wandered out into a nice field of flowers with a couple of ones in the process of eating a demon. Isn't that just so heart warming and romantic?

"Hey, Mukuro. I have something to get off my chest..." Hiei reached down his shirt and took out some weird looking bloodsucking worm off his chest.

"That's great because I have something on my mind..." She took out a piece of paper that had MIND written in big letters and erased a drawing of a unicorn walking on an ocean of penguins and jellybeans.

"There's something that's been going on in the back of my mind..." Hiei took a skull out of his pocket. "Hey you damn fairies! Quit reciting Shakespear!"

Several bad plays on words later...

"...You know, I wonder why we don't wear the same uniform..." Mukuro thought out loud. "So what were you saying?"

"There's something I have to say..." Hiei paused.

_Hey moon Please forget to go down  
__Hey moon Don't you go down..._

"What's with the music?" They both looked up. The music paused. "Okay, as I was saying..."

_It's nine in the afternoon  
__And your eyes were as big as the moon..._

"There it is again!" Another pause. "I want you to know that..."

_When the moon fell in love with the sun..._

He looked up. "That..."

_We're off to see the Wizard  
__The wonderful Wizard of Oz  
__Because because because..._

"That last one shouldn't count! It's got no romantic qualities at all!"

"You just wanna go home?" Mukuro asked.

"Sure."

_Home  
__Where my music's playing..._

"I swear..." He got so tired of walking in silence that he asked THE OTHER ANOTHER OTHER question. Only he wanted to use it in Shakespearian terms. "Whilst my lady become betrothed to I?"

"...If thou shalt go hence." And she threw the sops in the face of the sexton once again. "Just ask in normal terms. But the answer's yes."

"...And one more thing I have to say before we get home. I know I'll never have the chance to say this again when we get there. It's just something only you and I can share together... You see, I..."

_**Blank screen.**_

Koenma dropped his Slushie. "WHAT? THAT'S IT?!" He threw popcorn at George who was formally known as Blue Ogre. "OGRE! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Ay me!" And the poor ogre sobbed into his Cheerios.

_And then there was none. /Bids you adieu_

**Original finish: February 10, 2008  
****Official finish: September 3, 2008**

Notes:  
Seriously, last time I checked Shura wasn't on the character list. Da loser!  
Zombie and PHONE were internet memes- badly written creepy pastas. And I'm sure you all know the movie Juno. But for people who don't it's about a teenage girl who gets pregnant. Not the goddess. Yeah...  
The song lyrics were from these songs: In order- Northern Downpour (Panic! At the Disco)  
Nine in the Afternoon (Panic! At the Disco)  
When the Day met the Night (Panic! At the Disco)  
That one song from Wizard of Oz... That whole thing was triggered by the question: Do the people in songfics hear the songs? Seriously. And yes, I realize the Shakespearian question was bad grammar even then? Isn't Koenma always just a stalker? (I read a yuri where he was watching them do things and his dad got mad because he wasn't invited to watch. Wow adultfanfiction. Wow.)  
Oh yeah... And Little Hans was a paitient of a psychologist named Sigmund Freud. I'd tell you the details but everyone would get mad at "that weird guy". (That's how everyone in my psych class remembers him after the presentation I made about him.)

Honestly, it would have taken me longer to update this if Sally H. Walker never reviewed my stories. It took me three tries to get to this point so I'm kind of happy with how this turned out in the end. So what was Hiei's final message? Hell, I dunno. (Insert slime.) I guess you can take that as a good thing or a bad thing depending on how much thought you want to put on fanfics. I don't put much thought in comedies... Sorry.

Anyway, I enjoyed working on this. I'm also glad that I could end this. I'm not planning anything long running after Lovecraft Anon. I could put one shots but I'm not planning on doing any chapters what with graduation coming up next year. I'm sorry I wasn't updating this as fast as I could so if you're reading other stuff from me, you're gonna have to tell me, "Hey! Update this now!" (Except Silent Hill and Lovecraft Anon. SH's in writing barely before it's typed. Lovecraft Anon will sit until I finish another story.)

One last thing: I'll saying this- _When you have flowers that came from the seeds that were in your hand, let them go and venture into the wind. Maybe in the end they'll bring the receiver of the gift the joy the seed gave you..._ It's cheesy, I know but... I hope to see you appear once again. Or maybe I'll see you again... In like, reviewing your stuff or something.


End file.
